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a haphazard beginning

11x3

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bnw-p.33

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They want to keep u fractured, dissonant, and helpless, they want to feed u with the manufactured resonance of your own sadness, so itll bleed thru in missed beats of bleats of madness, as u mispeak to the frequency that receeds from the heart beats relevance hearts receeding from tacking action with fraction of relevance because your holding your breath, waiting competing with the contraction of air leaving your breath, incessantly put stock into remaining an inconsolable mess, so certain of ur certainty, filled with drugs, and giving into impulsivity, yet so certain of your certainty, as you constantly question your identity, looking for answers from authority, and nsensitive to your insensitivity, but aware of all quarreling ideologies, putting stock in trivialities, not

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Each night i pass with the thought of a lasting dream, that i hope gleams to bring a glimpse of a glyph, to let waking words drip in a rhyme that'll trip gracefully from my lips, but each morning seems too hot and wet with molecules that cleave and cause the few fallen leaves to bleed dew, from stem to tip

densely and in a darkened hue
the elements penetrate thru
as i breath them into my veins and arteries
in hurried waves of apoplectic fits
and missed heart beats
that cause me to lose my grip
so i cant grasp to seize hold
of the rocks in the walls of my lungs
to knock free completely
the sputum that grows in balls of phlegm
to keep me
from climbing the cliffs before the fall
beats me
and i lose the beat to the melody
too much hydrogen to oxygen in the recipe    excess heat from the beat of the entropy
fusing to blending confusion in the memory and losing the lines
causing a protrusion of a mass
that coates my insides
to mix with the poison that amasses
from the prior days last alibi
and the leavings behind of lasting fights
grievings of hurried heart beats
that pass the night
to combine into a concoction i spew
in droplets of black goo
and i fear ill never find
that line of a glimpse of a glyph
that'll let waking words trip gracefully
on my awakened lips
to drip truth faithfully
when i spit
so i spit
to have grace to not disgracefully lose it
from fear i cant acquit my choosing
to be brooding on matters such as
technion and talpiot
where our AIPAC worshipping government
sells out their own country
fronting enemies pretending to be allies
who've become frenemies
we yearly pay to bleed us
in a salary that exceeds
Billions
while their deceiving​ to say
There not using it to kill
Palestinians
and the NSA is selling them our freedoms         giving weapons to Saudis and Israelis
to fund their bleeding
but i wont be deceiving to be believing
our hands arent as dirty from these dealings     cuz we too have been leading
to helping with endless hurting
but no lending funds
leads to ending the funding of
technion and talpiot
cuz arent u fucking sick of it
how the government lets a foreign entity
take away your fucking privacy
Snowden was a fucking conspiracy
cuz hes living in the same country
thats buying technology
With the methodology of
technion and talpiot
and i dont give a shit if u think im a nut
when assholes with half truths
are called good enough
Cuz half proof won't last you
to find the stuff
The courage to speak
louder than a peep on
Technion and talpiot
Cuz these lines in the leak are weak
If they ain't bothering to speak
about the shit called
technion and talpiot
that leads to Zionists
giving Russian orthodox chabad lubivitch
kgb Bolsheviks our secrets
u really wanna fuck wit these peeps
that be creeping to seep
their discreet indiscretions
that lead to oppressions
and let oppressors
keep their power over the weak
cuz we remain silent
when we should speak
outta fear the tyranny's too deep
to feel safe to give even a peep
to find a glimpse of a glyph
and let waking words trip gracefully
on your awakened lips
to drip truth faithfully
when u spit
you really dont want this?
cuz Id rather have this
than try to  force myself to dream
in shallow breathes
hoping to glean
proof through excess
heat from the beat of entropy
too much hydrogen to oxygen in the recipe
In fear of the fall
from a slip on the melody
from too much phlegm
that lines the walls of my cavities
that if i dont climb the cliffs
from fear of never finding graceful glyphs
ill drip lies in the rhymes
and never breathe deep to dream
to feed my minds need
to spit truth, faithfully.

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IDIREDOWN

28 June, 18:27

IDIREDOWN

13:41, Saturday

welcome to a new religion, the terms and conditions are an affliction, to disorganize and find new heights of ambitions, while charlatans globalize and destroy the constitution, prophesizing salvation in institutions, feigning acquiesence, to gain your obedience, to the rise of a kingdom, and demise of your freedom, so your foold into asking the hand that is beating you, to feed you, and pull you thru the nights, where i lose the fight to fear, cant look in the mirror from a perception, of a passing glance, at the cast of my shadows lasting image, in the distance past the skin that covered the  marrow,  of my mottled and baggy blotched face, with marks where id like to erase the trace, cuz they scar the time, to remind of silence no sun or shine, to see thru darkness, to be, reminders of a guilty conscience, but you cant see, or fully recant for moments misspent, with only darkness and silence around it, without likely beginning to lose it, so i had to relent from  embarassement to find light, But there was no appeasment only delusions, becuz i still kept my eyes closed tight, refusing to take a glance in the mirror, failing the past and passing years, becuz each passing glance brings a tear,  and as i open my eyes to look in the mirror its made clearer to me, of the misery i postponed noticing, by acting to debauchery, filling my mind with proficies, of allibies and reasons why, i should bestill my pleading eyes, and refrain from seeing the time gone by, I was not missing youth that once denied, lines that about face do not lie of time gone by, I was in fear of a reflection cast, in an ocean and 6,000 miles past, the distance, to betray my conscience, but it doesnt take much skill to know, a conscience can kill if u let it go, unproclaimed, restrain-ing, the voice feeding, from the blood rushing beating, of my heart to my brain, at the start of my eyes perceiving the pain, of the crimes and cries i heard in vain, becuz i let my conscience go unproclaimed, but i can no longer remain, silent , even when im labeled insane  misogynistic or anti semitic,  but especially that last bit, cuz i wont take the hit when even rabbis call the state of israel a herecy, because its an apostate to their religion to have a state theocracy, full of zionists, never mind dual citizen terrorists, living amongst them and us, 60 ziocons alone in Trumps cabinet, over a hundred years of foreign influence on our government, and people are worried about russian interference? while zionists with foreign allegiance are given clearance, to prophesize thru propoganda, utilizing politicians and the media, to spin and shift the blame to muslims, so globalists and zio-scum remain anonymous, free to wage endless wars of injustice, but its in-just-us, and up to us to stop worrying about labels, or whether its a foible or a fable for thinking some mother fuckers can stack the table with so many pounds of flesh without prosecution, committing desecration for 68 years on to Palestinians, whose greatest crime, is being an inconvenience, to a blue blood moving line, set up by design by elders of zion, in blood they signed their pact, for the politicians and media to attack and retract when ordered to act, cuz they were blackmailed and bribed to protect, their agenda of corruption to divide, and deter from even a question of genocide, from the absurd deception that politicians and media provide, and  rationalize under the guise of an exaggeration of discrimination, and labeled as israels self preservation, and i wanna scream im tired of these fucking labels! This is bullshit, dont u know about technion and talpiot, where israel and its cronies are stealing u.s. technology, and as our supposed allies selling to russia ironically, will u label me a conspiracy nut to say, 9/11 had usa and mossads involvement every step of the way, how can you deny evidence from the cia, when they protest and are beaten, for finally having the courage to be speaking, on the allibies of allegiance, and crimes of contrivances, by the u.s., in the sole interest, of a foreign government, so told by ray mcgovern. Yet we want a hero we can easily see, so we believe the first idol we see, on the propoganda tv, who ascribes to the same ideology, we let blind our clarity because were afraid of the villainy from whatever group think perscription we imbibe for a false sense of security that without will label us banished from the comfort of the war weve fed at our own door-step, when we in turn, turn kin against kin, mothers against fathers, brothers against each other, because we have been deceived, when we believe in ideologies, appeasing philosophies, that draw lines and confine us to paradigms of im right and your wrong prisons, shouldnt we be free to ask each other questions without  recriminations? Or maybe we should just not look in the mirror, give in to the fear, not speak on the prophesies, we should clearly see, in the propoganda, of a zionist agenda, to silently watch the demise of our freedom, and become unwitting allibies to the establishment of a kingdom, to suffer the fate of fools, who obey whatever paradigm of rules, we let parasites lay out to create allibies and give us reasons why, we should let our conscience not be spoken?

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IDIREDOWN

13:41, Saturday

Thou shalt disorganize to globalize, destroy religion to materialize, employ a tradition where u sacrifice, your rights and your constitution while we make acquisitions of institutions, to prophesize the demise of freedom, and enforce obedience to the rise of an autocratic kingdom, of this fate, to you, we will inculcate thru. And thru most nights i lay prostrate in fear to look in the mirror, though its not exactly whats in the mirror that drives my fear, but rather the perception of a reflection, the cast of a shadow near, where i imagine the projection, crushed in the shape of skin covered marrow, in a blackened splotched place, on a mirror, of a mottled and sagging canvas i call my face, and id like to erase some of these marks, that act like a scar in time, to remind of silence no sun or shine, to see thru darkness, to be reminders of a guilty conscience, but you cant fully recant for moments misspent, with only darkness and silence around it, without likely beginning to lose it, so one must relent from ones own embarassement if they are to find the light, But there can be no appeasment only delusions, if you keep your eyes closed tight, if you refuse to take a glance in the mirror, youll fail the past and passing years, and each passing glance will bring a tear, as i open my eyes and look into the mirror its made clearer to me, of the misery i postponed noticing, by acting to debauchery, to fill my mind with proficies, of allibies and reasons why, i should bestill my pleading eyes, and refrain from seeing the time gone by, I was not missing youth that once denied, lines that about face do not lie of time gone by, I was simply in fear of seeing a reflection cast, in an ocean and 6,000 miles past, the distance, to betray a conscience, but a conscience can kill if let gone unproclaimed, if you restrain, the voice feeding from the blood rushing beating of your heart to your brain, at the start of your eyes perceiving the pain, of the crimes and cries you heard in vain, becuz you let a conscience go unproclaimed, but i can no longer remain, silent , even when im labeled insane  misogynistic or anti semitic,  but especially that last bit, cuz i wont the hit when even rabbis call the state of israel a herecy, because its an apostate to their religion to have a state theocracy, full of zionists, never mind dual citzenship terrorists, living amongst them and us, 60 ziocons alone in Trumps cabinet, over a hundred years of foreign influence on our government, and people are worried about russian interference? while zionists with foreign allegiance are given clearance, to prophesize thru propoganda, utilizing politicians and the media, to spin and shift the blame to muslims, so globalists and zio-scum remain anonymous, free to wage endless wars of injustice, but its in-just-us, and up to us to stop worrying about labels, or whether its a foible or a fable for thinking some mother fuckers can stack the table with so many pounds of flesh without prosecution, and commit desecration for 68 years on to Palestinians, whose greatest crime is being an inconvenience to a blue blood moving line, set up as a grand design by elders of zion, they signed a pact in blood with politicians and media so they could blackmail and bribe them into providing protection, in an agenda of corruption to divide, and deter from even a question of the genocide, from the absurd deception that politicians and media provide, rationalized under the guise of an exaggeration of discrimination, and labeled as israels self preservation, and i wanna scream im tired of these damn labels! This is bullshit, dont u know about technion and talpiot, where israel and its cronies are stealing u.s. technology, and as our supposed allies selling to russia ironically, will u label me a conspiracy nut to say, 9/11 had usa and mossads involvement every step of the way, how can you deny the evidence from the cia, when they protest and are beaten for finally having the courage to be speaking, on the allibies of allegiance, and crimes of contrivances, by us, in the sole interest of a foreign government, so told by ray mcgovern. Yet we want a hero we can easily see, so we believe the first idol we see, on the propoganda tv, who ascribes to the same ideology, we let blind our clarity because were afraid of the villainy from whatever group think perscription we imbibe for a false sense of security that without will label us banished from the comfort of the war weve fed at our own door-step, when we in turn, turn brothers against sisters, because we have been deceived to believe ideologies that draw lines and confine us to paradigms of im right and your wrong prisons, shouldnt we be free to ask each other questions and have discussions, Or should we let fear prophesized thru propoganda, inculcate our acceptance of a zionist agenda, materialize into the loss of our constitution, the demise of our freedom, to dictate our obedience to the rise of an autocratic institution, and establishment of a kingdom, and suffer the fate of fools who let parasites lay out paradigms to create allibies and give them reasons why they should let a conscience not be spoken?

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B030idc
Im deleting my facebook.  Find me at lilcrycry@gmail.com
dm me for my phone #.  will be deleting at the end of the day for good.

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Occassionally i need to be seasoned with salt and wine, sulfate and brine from the vine of past lines and passing nights to marinate the meat of swallowed lies and self deluded alibis, thats grown rotten and sodden with imagined maggots, festering around my stomach, lining up to plummet, their fangs into surrounding veins, spreading dabs of  blood born pathogens, incubating fads of lovelorn pessimism, that shoot like a hemlock dipped arrow, the poisoned tip burrowed deeply within my heart, straining to contain its hard pounding start, of sending shudders of pain, reigning in rivulets of blood drips up my spine, to line at the port side of the ship of my imagined mind, to implant nervous attacks, of red hacked false narratives, that slip into the narrows of the gallows of the channels of time, a deluge flooding my networks abusing my neural connectors, drowning reception to the intuitive receptors, bringing convulsions of  propulsions of  heart beats that brings heat to smoke my anger in my spit, so i spit rhymes and chase lines with a broken mind that missteps on the intended melody, and becomes a bittersweet ranting of less than what was wanted by me, becuz modest expectations met dont satisfy me, which is probably, why some people see me or call me, occasionally an asshole, with my persecution complex ego, i utilize to feed me when mentally im approaching e getting low on what i need to keep my po to the e tree flowing easy, though, this sentimentality shouldn't show up so evidently in my readings, so sometimes i feel the need to take a toke in the face of this joke, where dissonant seeds are sown, by some folks, disagreeing on who should own the blame, disowning what they should be owning up to, becuz theyd rather fuck u and me up our assholes than accept responsiblity for their spin, spinning, misdirecting equations, while rescinding rights that should be a given, over the holiday, on my fucking birthday, sucking the marrow of happiness from my bones, spewing out of their mouth holes bullshit from the catacombes of hearts with no pulse to show they even exist, spreading their horseshit propaganda like diseased zombies who have bitten and smitten foolish drones, who become pleased to impose their tyranny to dispose onto me a lesson, that quite frankly, my nagging ego, rightly or wrongly, is telling me, they should be receiving instead of giving, as their living, with excuses for the refuse of what was once supposed empathy, dishing and dismissing on those that dont agree with or suffer from shared maladies, and it follows that some fellow but not so mellow citizens, will assault my ears with accusations, of recriminations, that im a devil with no care, while crocodiles ignore silent cries of their peers, and are applauded for their fair share of tears, shed over false flag fears, as they bear their teeth to tear our innocence to bits, and i start to think, something stinks about this, ignorance turning to neisance and a growing distance drawn with a fine red line between us, becuz it feels as though this has happened before, like representatives stealing water from the lakeshore, where i was born, not upon the shore, but close enough to not ignore, how many more rights theyve taken from the poor, than the few rights theyve portioned to the drones that should be dropping their social media bombs for these wrongs, instead of taglines annonymously fed by newswires on red lines in place of real news outlining lead pipes with a fucking byline, so by the by, nevermind this dirty water in flint, nothing to see here in the gaza strip, and evidently theres only one side to the syrian conflict, or so they expect us to accept this and live with less than what should be expected from those who should represent us, but really represent none of us, cuz to me this nonsense makes no sense, and if u feel by saying this im commiting an offense, u can call me an asshole, but rest assured these wrongs wont be resolved from labels, or pulling our heads out of our shitholes, because we need something more than silence, and something less than self righteousness, so now ill be silent to think more on this.

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when  that would rather deny the proof than reville with enough passing years passing to thoughts of villainy, shattering in soundwaves from the thousand and one different ways ive been told my empathy to permeate my brain with tyranny to ever clearly see ive caused from spewing vitriole, drowning on anger thats caterwhauling into my stomach brewing like deciduously rotten wine bubbling in virulent ive to can see reasons for ne to be labeled with this distinction, but when i ask for clarity on their reasons, immediately i can se, because to a certain degree the cup providedmemory of all the moments i chose hate and couldnt sleep wink  i shoveled in bursts of  , to live but you lit the flame to bring to name my shame when u shot soundwaves from the narrow lines launched of dischird from vocal chords reverberating dangereously close to setting off the mines of allibis and lies you hide in your own mind, expose your narrow minded that have burrowed their impossibly burning hemlock dipped tip into my minds imagined heart to start  up into shockwaves at the port side of the ship in my mind that i was happy to be lit up to stop my slip into excessive processing on the left side of my brain, gives no room for intuition to be used to for the life ive been killing spilling blood for over upon the desultry aspects of no fogiveness for, my boats full of lies have yet to come ashore but their faultering full of holes from all the cannon balls that have broken down the antiquated walls ive built to hide the truth, and im not bullet proof, so ive taken in water and am sinking, for this vision of these supposed divisions you say and she says and he says that ive been causingplayin out as a fantasy youve infected me with, to see my every decision as an armada of ships  come to a halt to not be bringin to port the sonic dischord of the breathe of at least a thousand and one humans whove been blowin these

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whats the difference between love and lost? They say that love can save those who are lost, but didnt Christ already die on the cross, to pardon the yet to be born, and those that cast the first stone? wasnt mercy already chosen, by gods supposed son, the chosen one, in response to the sum of the weight of the albatross of pain, that were forced to carry inhumanely across our daily crossings. As we cross out these teachings which should teach us forgiveness, but we fail to play witness to the lesson, lessening our empathy so its nearly forgotten, supplanted with vanity and made verboten, by writings in gold lettering, and etchings of rules on masonry, embossing the glossy idolatry of opportunists, who want to convince us to worship their biased confirmations, that they confirm in false placations, for only a few, who have chosen to follow the crewed hypocrisy thats spewed, like oil from a broken pipeline, in rainbows of cascading colors of sewt and grime, for cloak toting theologians, and suit wearing politicians, to buy some time, to blur the line, and destroy the melody to natures natural rhyme, theres no reason for them to tell this lie, yet they season and sell us the crime, of salvation thru divisions, that are made to make additions to their subtractions, while giving no retractions for their own inactions and reprehensible decisions, sermonizing with self righteousness in spite of all the contradictions in this, and they have the audicity to smile while they say, smite exists for sinners who dont repent and pay, for their sins, while these vermin hide behind officials of state wearing vestments, investing dead presidents to congest our deliverance from lovelorn obssessions. these cretins of industry and sophistry are paying good money in advertising to protect their oppression, enacting supression and promulgating depression to each an every citizen, so that we dont wake from our victimization, and slay the break in our moral convictions that leads us to groupthink isolation and devastation to our capacity for compassion, resignation to dispassion that resonates in self hatred, so our trancendent capabilities become halted, and were afraid of being our self, becuz were told to be less, and i dont wanna be the villain, but i gotta be killin this idea, that killing the self is ideal, becuz without myself i am helpless, loveless and crossed, never to be given forgiveness becuz i am lost, fallen amongst the self righteous, too righteous to admit my fear, of the face staring at me in the mirror, but i have to choose myself, not abuse myself, by letting my forgiveness, be lost amongst the self less. And im sorry if that makes me selfish, but without my sense of self first id be loveless and hopeless.

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